Shutdown

About 4 o'clock this afternoon my brain shut down. If I were a Windows PC, I'd be a blue screen right now. I may be able to get my brain rebooted in the morning. I'm not sure. My hard drive may be permanently inaccessible. I'll start at the beginning.

You all know how I've been burning the candle at both ends since January. I'm always busy this time of year. I work for an accounting firm. It is the nature of the beast. This year I've been working extra hours. Mr. Incredible got a 25% pay decrease as of February 1st. At least he still has a job. At least I've been able to bring in more money. But it is slowly killing me.

This morning I was having a terrible time coping. I get like this every couple of weeks. I just can't handle anything more. Then the IT department wanted to access my laptop to do some sort of hardware and software inventory. Let me just say, this isn't as easy as it sounds. Mr. I. doesn't want my work issued Windows PC anywhere near his Mac network. He set me up with a very narrow passage through the firewall to access the internet, but it makes it almost impossible for the IT department to connect back. The IT guy was really nice and said he'd try to think of another solution so he could do his inventory.


I was fighting back tears trying to get through the day. This whole work issued laptop causes me all sorts of anxiety. Mr. I. has extremely strong opinions that are directly opposite of our IT department head. And our IT department head is very difficult to work with. He won't listen to me. He won't answer my questions. He just gives me orders and scolds me in e-mails which he cc's my boss. I was doing just fine until he decided I needed to do my job differently right at the beginning of the year. The frustrating part is, he doesn't even know what I do. He keeps making incorrect assumptions and won't listen to me. Oh yeah, he will be a subject I will bring up in my annual review this summer, provided I make it to it.

Anyway, I was more stressed than usual. Violet and I did some quiet school work, and that helped. I was feeling better by mid afternoon.

Then we got the first e-mail. My boss is calling an emergency department update meeting tomorrow morning. Anyone who can't make it should contact her for an alternate time for the update. I said I am actually scheduled to be at my senior manager's house during that time tomorrow working on a project with her. (Yes, another stress factor, I had to cut into homeschool time to make the requested trip to her house). I asked if senior manager could update me. Boss has arranged to tell us both the update while we are meeting tomorrow.

What could this update be that the senior manager doesn't know about. I have a few guesses. None of them are good.

But wait, there's more.

About 4:00 pm, the human resource manager sends out an e-mail to the whole firm announcing 4 more positions that have been eliminated. Yes, a nice way to say they fired 4 more people today. Including the IT guy I was working with this morning.

Now, tax season just ended. It is very common for firings to come at the end of tax season. But the 4 who were let go, aren't the ones you'd normally see gone. Usually there are a few first years who didn't work out. Or interns they aren't asking back. Or maybe someone who's been there 2 or 3 years that they've decided aren't promotable. These 4 have been there for quite a while. The IT guy must have been there over 15 years, he was there when I started.

Well, that's why my brain isn't working tonight. I just don't know what to think. I can't think. I can't work right now. I hope to be able to reboot by the time I get to my senior manager's house in the morning so I can be productive and get in and out of there.

Hopefully, with my job still intact.