Remember how we were auditioning new friends for Violet? It is all here. We weren't going to call again unless the other family invited Violet back. Well, it has been nearly a month and neither mom has called or e-mailed. It doesn't help that we haven't been attending many homeschool events, but still they could make a little effort. Tonight I broke down and e-mailed Cookie's mom and said Violet had a great time would Cookie like to do it again sometime. We're hoping to get back a yes, let's do it at our house. But even if it is here, that's okay Cookie was a really good guest and Violet really liked her.
Sigh. Am I asking too much? Is it really too much to ask that friends put a little effort into setting things up too? Whenever Violet is a guest somewhere the moms always say how nice she is and well mannered and that they'd love to have her back. We have their kid here, then nothing. I know people are busy, but so am I. In many ways it is easier to have the kids to your house, you don't have to drive back and forth to pick them up. But still she doesn't get invited.
Except to Red and Tinkerbell's houses. She does get repeat visits to both of them. So she must be a good guest. Red's mom always tells me if there is a problem. She'd be honest if there was something really wrong in how Violet acts there. I don't think there is. I think she is well-behaved and a good playmate.
Violet doesn't want daily playdates. She needs more downtime than that. But she'd like to see her friends more often. She really hates large group events and even at small group gatherings she complains that she doesn't really get to spend time with friends. There are too many others around and they are all busy with the activity. I've tried to get her to call her friends directly, but she hates doing it and then they still end up invited here because I refuse to teach her it is okay to invite yourself to someone else's house. It makes me sad that I can't do better at getting her together with kids she likes. But I really can't host (and set up) every single playdate here.
What am I doing wrong?
8 comments:
I'm just amazed that everyone in your area does dropoff playdates no matter where they occur. No one does that here in the hs realm except for good friends that already know each other well which makes it even more difficult to make friends. I've given up and just focus on the kids she sees at activities. We have very few actual playdates except for with one friend. It's honestly made me wonder if school isn't the answer since making friends is so impossible.
Maybe Violet is content with Red and Tinkerbell?
Not everyone is into the playdates thing. We don't do them. My kids have their siblings at home and only see their friends in group situations at 4H, the park, skating, Fazoli's 99 cent Tuesdays (twice a month), field trips, Awana, etc.
Since I am one of those bad people, let me see if I can help you get inside our heads. ;-)
Our kids are perfectly happy playing with their sibs and perfectly happy seeing their friends in groups, so we're not motivated to do playdates. We just don't really think about it all that much.
We feel like our kids should clean their rooms before having company, but the kids feel that their rooms are 'clean enough'. (We really need to work on this one!)
We worry that a friend's kid will be unhappy at our house or get hurt or something and maybe won't tell us, that we might feed them food they hate ...
I think you're just going to have to continue to take the lead.
Sorry.
I prefer for my daughter to have her friends over here. I'm a control freak, and if they're here, I know exactly what's going on and if she's having fun. I don't want her somewhere she's not having fun and not be able to leave.
Now that she's a little older, though, she doesn't really want play dates. Oh no. SHE wants to go to school.
What get's me is when they drop off thier kids to a birthday party. Lastyear a mother left all 3 of her kids with me. The baby was2. She was out the door before I could stop her. I think parents now a days are just self centered.
This is a big issue for us. And I beleive one of the reasons my daughter ha sonly one true friedn is because we do not follow any faith.
Yes, I obey laws, know that stealing is wrong, I pay my taxes, and so forth, but because we do not worshihp, my daughter is shunned. She ha sonly one real frined and that friend does not care she follows no faith, she likes her for her, not for what or what she does not beleive in.
My daughter is a good person, but once the word started leaking out that we don't have a faith, she stopped getting invited to places.
My daughter loves hanging out with kids her own age,(14-?) but she really ha sonly one friend, and I have no clue how to expose her to kids her own age without going back into the public school system.
We have a 20something year old friend who did both. Public school and home schooled, and she has told my daughter in no uncertain tersm that the kids in the school system are nasty and that they would tear her apart (She is a tree-hugging vegetarian).
So I am feeling your pain. We are maling off our applications to volunteer at the Humane Society, but she still mentions that only older people volunteer, so how in the world is she ever going to meet kids her own age?
I feel for her, but don't know how to help either
I don't think you are doing anything wrong.
It's tough. I can see both sides.
On one hand it's hard to come into someones life after meeting them once or twice and try to fit in. Just like you they have a lot to do, and other friends etc...so they truly may want to get together but never get caught up with actually doing it...that is often my problem with people I meet and like...I have a lot going on. My thought is go ahead and pursue it, don't let past experiences get you down...but after a period of time if you are STILL the one doing all the work...THEN you might rethink...but give it a shot.
On the other hand, we are VERY low key here. We have a hs group we really enjoy but only manage to get to it once in awhile because of our own schedule but also because we REALLY need lots of down time. You sound like you respect the need for that in your life, too, which is good.
Sorry. I don't have a lot of advice. I can see both sides. I know it's really really frustrating....
We never did the playdate thing. Mine were always happy to see people in social situations, but they really never wanted anyone to come into their own space. But then, they always had each other.
When they were in public school, (Brownie went thru 4th grade), they didn't have close friends. They never showed any interest in having anyone come home with them. They never even wanted birthday parties with invited guests, although they attended several.
They've always had church friends, but, again, they were always happy to just leave it at that. Even now Blondie has very close friends within his church youth group, but he seems satisfied to see them at services or activities and has never expressed any desire to have anyone come home with him.
Brownie was quite lonely when he started college. By the end of the year, he had 4 friends that he studied and socialized with, but still spent a lot of time on his own and he seemed satisfied.
Maybe it is because I am a private person and it has just rubbed off on them. Entertaining anyone besides family is very stressful for me, and I rarely do it.
All that to say, I don't have any helpful advice for you. I really wish I could give you a boost! Maybe just cherish and nurture the friendships she does have with Red and Tinkerbell.
Post a Comment