As all my regular readers know I am quite concerned about Violet and her timidness in groups and difficulties with more than one other kid at a time. She's highly sensitive with a touch of shyness thrown in. She's quiet, reserved and likes to have lots of downtime for reading, drawing and painting and playing by herself. I know she's fine and plenty "socialized" but still I have trouble defending her nature to other parents whose kids are outgoing and gregarious and involved in activities every day of the week.
Today we were at a party with all of Mr. Incredible's family. His cousin, Kay, was there, and if you think I'm quiet, shy and reserved, you haven't seen anything. Kay was nearly 30 before she came out of her shell. She is the nicest, most fun person you'll meet, but so many people missed out on it because she was really, really shy as a child, teen and young adult. Then she spent a month living with an aunt, uncle and cousins in California as an adult and that being on her own with another family is what really pulled her out. Actually many members of Mr. Incredible's family are very quiet, shy and reserved. I fit right in with them as do several of the spouses. We sit around laughing and talking at parties, but we'll never get up and dance or start singing. Karaoke? Good gosh no, not at an Incredible Family gathering. We won't even play charades. Cards would be more our speed.
But I digress. I asked Kay for her opinion about Violet and her advice on how to help her. Her answer, let her be, she's fine. It takes her a while to warm up, but she does. She has close friends so she is capable of interacting, so what if she doesn't do it with 30 other kids all running around like whirling dervishes. (Yes, I know this is all sounding just like what you all have told me again and again.)
And Kay pointed out that Violet's ability to be alone, to read and entertain herself is a skill she actually use far more often in the rest of her life than having to play with strange kids at a party. I hadn't really thought about that, but she's right. I do know people who cannot be alone and therefore they end up very lonely when they are by themselves. Kay said she'd think about suggestions for coping skills and will let me know what she comes up with.
So I will do better at listening to you all and stop worrying. Violet's fine. She's not nearly as shy and quiet as either Kay or I were at her age. And we both manage to function in society. Well, I have my days where I barely do, but that has more to do with the idiots out there than any residual shyness. Violet will be fine too. For now, she acts just like an Incredible. We are all quiet and reserved, but a lot of fun when you get to know us.
6 comments:
*Thunderous applause*
I am so happy that someone could give you the reassurance that you've been needing! And not just any someone, but someone who has actually spent time with Violet and knows the whole family temperament.
I will say once more that I think you're a great mom and Violet is going to be just fine!
Thank You Kay!!!
It took me a long time to accept my daughters shyness. I am a complete 180. That is not to say I am the lif eof the party, but I know no strangers. I can converse with a corpse...yeah I really can.
But my daughter could not or would not. But I would not enable her and do the talking for her. If she wanted something in Barnes and Noble, she had to ask for it herself or it didn't get asked.
It hurt me and angered her. But eventually she got that fact that she did have to talk to people. She didn't have to be best buds with them, or invite them for dinner. Just ask where the blessed book is and be done with it.
She still is no social butterfly, unless she is with her posse, and with them she can as she so chooses. She now approaches more people and even keeps a running tab (as a joke) She will ask me, "Does telling the gas attendent we need 420 on pump 4 count?" I tell her no, that is not a conversation. She snaps her finger and says "Darn it!" and then moves on.
Your little one will do her own thing on her own time frame, and if she doesn't then so be it. She will still bit your little Incredible!
Oh good for you! That reasurrance is so wonderful, like Mare said, coming from someone who knows Violet and the family in general!
Hooray!
YEAH, Violet~! You know, Pirate Boy is the same way. He is full of life at home. The minute I take him out he clams up. I remember his Kinder teacher asking us if maybe he was Autistic. Her reasoning for this "Noah doesn't like to play with the other kids". He doesn't like the loud noise, and all the chaos. His dad is the same way.
GO VIOLET, and Mommy Freak!!
Kay is a very wise woman. Listen to her!
My kids all have some of those qualities. My oldest is the most sensitive, quiet, but not really shy. I can drop him off in a group of kids he's never met before and he'll have friends before the night is over, a couple of other quiet guys. My daughter is the shyest of our 3 kids. She's fun once you get to know her and has a lot of friends in the homeschool group, but will NOT talk to a waitress, cashier, doctor, nurse etc. for ANYTHING.
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