Violet didn't get home until almost 7:00 last night. She was invited to stay for dinner.
It just confirms my suspicions, she is not a bad house guest. They would have packed her home long before that if she was.
Now the question. Why doesn't she get invited to other homes more? Playdates are almost always here. Because I'm the one who calls and initiates. So the other parent says sure Little Susie can come over and play. Never once, how about if Violet plays here?
I suspect it is because people are too self-centered and wrapped up in their own lives. No one stops to think how one sided they are. They are so busy that everything and everyone who isn't in their face everyday (at school, at the bus stop, at after school activities) gets forgotten.
Last night when she was getting out of the shower Violet said to me, "Red does a better job at keeping up with her friends than I do with mine." I tried to assure her that Red doesn't. She just sees them every day at school. And that she probably isn't very close with most of them. Just like Violet she probably has 3 or 4 she's really close with, the rest she just knows.
I don't think it was much of a consolation. I guess it is my job to be calling and inviting the other girls over and supervising them each and every time. After all it is my job to make sure Violet has kids to play with. But I just have too many jobs right now. I can't do it all. If only it weren't so one sided I could probably manage.
5 comments:
It must be difficult and girls tend to take it much harder if they don't have many tangible friendships, or don't feel welcome or "in".
The especially tenuous pre-teen and adolescent years are probably the worst. I had an awful time (and I went to public school, but I was a reader and writer. I preferred more intellectual conversation about books; thus, I was a "nerd" without the awesome grades).
I am sure if you keep reaching out, things will happen. The invite to the birthday party was a great step, I'm sure.
I don't know what happened to Violet in previous years, but if she's as shy as I was, I understand the difficulty. You are certainly not alone in your concerns - I know many other parents who have the same dilemma.
Speaking as one of those moms who rarely hosts, yes, we are involved in our own lives probably way to o much. Also, we have a lot of trouble keeping our houses clean enough for company. That's the main reason I don't host more often. I'm trying to change that and have more things at my house.
Lucky for us, we've got a nice small homeschool group that gets together about once a week to socialize.
Maybe the visits need to be curtailed until it's a little more equal?
I'm thinking Violet needs to pick up the phone and call her friends herself.
It's so hard when you have an only child.
I'm still Baby Boy's best friend, but . . . We're trying to branch out.
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