As all my regular readers know I am quite concerned about Violet and her timidness in groups and difficulties with more than one other kid at a time. She's highly sensitive with a touch of shyness thrown in. She's quiet, reserved and likes to have lots of downtime for reading, drawing and painting and playing by herself. I know she's fine and plenty "socialized" but still I have trouble defending her nature to other parents whose kids are outgoing and gregarious and involved in activities every day of the week.
Today we were at a party with all of Mr. Incredible's family. His cousin, Kay, was there, and if you think I'm quiet, shy and reserved, you haven't seen anything. Kay was nearly 30 before she came out of her shell. She is the nicest, most fun person you'll meet, but so many people missed out on it because she was really, really shy as a child, teen and young adult. Then she spent a month living with an aunt, uncle and cousins in California as an adult and that being on her own with another family is what really pulled her out. Actually many members of Mr. Incredible's family are very quiet, shy and reserved. I fit right in with them as do several of the spouses. We sit around laughing and talking at parties, but we'll never get up and dance or start singing. Karaoke? Good gosh no, not at an Incredible Family gathering. We won't even play charades. Cards would be more our speed.
But I digress. I asked Kay for her opinion about Violet and her advice on how to help her. Her answer, let her be, she's fine. It takes her a while to warm up, but she does. She has close friends so she is capable of interacting, so what if she doesn't do it with 30 other kids all running around like whirling dervishes. (Yes, I know this is all sounding just like what you all have told me again and again.)
And Kay pointed out that Violet's ability to be alone, to read and entertain herself is a skill she actually use far more often in the rest of her life than having to play with strange kids at a party. I hadn't really thought about that, but she's right. I do know people who cannot be alone and therefore they end up very lonely when they are by themselves. Kay said she'd think about suggestions for coping skills and will let me know what she comes up with.
So I will do better at listening to you all and stop worrying. Violet's fine. She's not nearly as shy and quiet as either Kay or I were at her age. And we both manage to function in society. Well, I have my days where I barely do, but that has more to do with the idiots out there than any residual shyness. Violet will be fine too. For now, she acts just like an Incredible. We are all quiet and reserved, but a lot of fun when you get to know us.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
The result
I got an e-mail back from Cookie's mom. Cookie would love to come to our house again. She suggested two times next week. Sigh. Actually neither will work for us. I replied back with alternate dates for the next week. Like Ami said, at least I'll know what they are doing if they are here.
Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and insights. I really do appreciate them all!
Melyssa, I wish you lived in my town! I'd love to give our girls the chance to see if they hit it off! We could have coffee and let them play. Gossip about the large families. :) Danette, you too. Your daughter's a lot older than Violet, but hey a tree hugging vegetarian sounds like a great role model for my kid!
Piggy, I think most of the time Violet is happy with Red and Tinkerbell. It seems like one more might round it out and fill in the gaps though. She does get bored. Yesterday she tried to make friends with a stray cat. Maybe she needs a dog.
Dana, I think you are right, it just isn't occurring to them that an invite to their house would mean so much. I know many of the families we meet either have a set of friends already in place or the siblings just play together. I'll keep suggesting things to the families of the girls she really likes.
Sabrina, they all drop their kids off and flee for everything. In fact, if you hang out it is considered weird. Girl Scout meetings, classes, gymnastics, playdates, parties, there's never a parent to be seen. That makes it harder to set things up with kids she meets at them too. The parents swoop in at the end, grab the kid and they are gone.
By the way, I hang out. In part because Violet has had bad experiences pretty much everywhere. But also because I'm lazy. I'd spent most of the time she's there driving back home and turning around again. Have they seen the price of gas lately? I'm over in the corner with the latest issue of Home Education Magazine.
Maria, you are right, they are busy too. And it probably doesn't help that I insist that Violet gets the downtime she needs. What I mean to say, it doesn't help our case to meet more kids. It definitely makes living with Violet much more pleasant!
Mare (I refuse to call you old and grey!), you are right too. I had Violet call Red after school today to see if she could come over. She had a family obligation, but I spoke with Red's mom and made tentative plans for them to play Sunday afternoon. And I e-mailed Tinkerbell's mom invites for a playdate and a sleepover (it will be the first time we've tried that with them). Maybe Violet has just already found her few close friends.
It is probably more a problem in my head than Violet's. I've been trying to make her realize that most people only have a few close friends and many acquaintances. She sees public school friends inviting 20 people to their birthday parties and thinks they are all close. I try to explain that most of them are there because they've invited the whole class or the whole Brownie troop, but I'm not sure she believes me.
Thanks again for all the support and words of wisdom. I really appreciate it!
Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and insights. I really do appreciate them all!
Melyssa, I wish you lived in my town! I'd love to give our girls the chance to see if they hit it off! We could have coffee and let them play. Gossip about the large families. :) Danette, you too. Your daughter's a lot older than Violet, but hey a tree hugging vegetarian sounds like a great role model for my kid!
Piggy, I think most of the time Violet is happy with Red and Tinkerbell. It seems like one more might round it out and fill in the gaps though. She does get bored. Yesterday she tried to make friends with a stray cat. Maybe she needs a dog.
Dana, I think you are right, it just isn't occurring to them that an invite to their house would mean so much. I know many of the families we meet either have a set of friends already in place or the siblings just play together. I'll keep suggesting things to the families of the girls she really likes.
Sabrina, they all drop their kids off and flee for everything. In fact, if you hang out it is considered weird. Girl Scout meetings, classes, gymnastics, playdates, parties, there's never a parent to be seen. That makes it harder to set things up with kids she meets at them too. The parents swoop in at the end, grab the kid and they are gone.
By the way, I hang out. In part because Violet has had bad experiences pretty much everywhere. But also because I'm lazy. I'd spent most of the time she's there driving back home and turning around again. Have they seen the price of gas lately? I'm over in the corner with the latest issue of Home Education Magazine.
Maria, you are right, they are busy too. And it probably doesn't help that I insist that Violet gets the downtime she needs. What I mean to say, it doesn't help our case to meet more kids. It definitely makes living with Violet much more pleasant!
Mare (I refuse to call you old and grey!), you are right too. I had Violet call Red after school today to see if she could come over. She had a family obligation, but I spoke with Red's mom and made tentative plans for them to play Sunday afternoon. And I e-mailed Tinkerbell's mom invites for a playdate and a sleepover (it will be the first time we've tried that with them). Maybe Violet has just already found her few close friends.
It is probably more a problem in my head than Violet's. I've been trying to make her realize that most people only have a few close friends and many acquaintances. She sees public school friends inviting 20 people to their birthday parties and thinks they are all close. I try to explain that most of them are there because they've invited the whole class or the whole Brownie troop, but I'm not sure she believes me.
Thanks again for all the support and words of wisdom. I really appreciate it!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I gave in
Remember how we were auditioning new friends for Violet? It is all here. We weren't going to call again unless the other family invited Violet back. Well, it has been nearly a month and neither mom has called or e-mailed. It doesn't help that we haven't been attending many homeschool events, but still they could make a little effort. Tonight I broke down and e-mailed Cookie's mom and said Violet had a great time would Cookie like to do it again sometime. We're hoping to get back a yes, let's do it at our house. But even if it is here, that's okay Cookie was a really good guest and Violet really liked her.
Sigh. Am I asking too much? Is it really too much to ask that friends put a little effort into setting things up too? Whenever Violet is a guest somewhere the moms always say how nice she is and well mannered and that they'd love to have her back. We have their kid here, then nothing. I know people are busy, but so am I. In many ways it is easier to have the kids to your house, you don't have to drive back and forth to pick them up. But still she doesn't get invited.
Except to Red and Tinkerbell's houses. She does get repeat visits to both of them. So she must be a good guest. Red's mom always tells me if there is a problem. She'd be honest if there was something really wrong in how Violet acts there. I don't think there is. I think she is well-behaved and a good playmate.
Violet doesn't want daily playdates. She needs more downtime than that. But she'd like to see her friends more often. She really hates large group events and even at small group gatherings she complains that she doesn't really get to spend time with friends. There are too many others around and they are all busy with the activity. I've tried to get her to call her friends directly, but she hates doing it and then they still end up invited here because I refuse to teach her it is okay to invite yourself to someone else's house. It makes me sad that I can't do better at getting her together with kids she likes. But I really can't host (and set up) every single playdate here.
What am I doing wrong?
Sigh. Am I asking too much? Is it really too much to ask that friends put a little effort into setting things up too? Whenever Violet is a guest somewhere the moms always say how nice she is and well mannered and that they'd love to have her back. We have their kid here, then nothing. I know people are busy, but so am I. In many ways it is easier to have the kids to your house, you don't have to drive back and forth to pick them up. But still she doesn't get invited.
Except to Red and Tinkerbell's houses. She does get repeat visits to both of them. So she must be a good guest. Red's mom always tells me if there is a problem. She'd be honest if there was something really wrong in how Violet acts there. I don't think there is. I think she is well-behaved and a good playmate.
Violet doesn't want daily playdates. She needs more downtime than that. But she'd like to see her friends more often. She really hates large group events and even at small group gatherings she complains that she doesn't really get to spend time with friends. There are too many others around and they are all busy with the activity. I've tried to get her to call her friends directly, but she hates doing it and then they still end up invited here because I refuse to teach her it is okay to invite yourself to someone else's house. It makes me sad that I can't do better at getting her together with kids she likes. But I really can't host (and set up) every single playdate here.
What am I doing wrong?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Beautiful weather
Have I mentioned what great weather we've had the last few weeks? Most days have been sunny and in the 60s. Once in a while it has rained, but only for a short time. We've had a couple of icky days, but after the winter we had, nothing to complain about. Violet has been spending a ton of time outside at her swing set.
We seem to have hit another wall with math. Violet can't concentrate on it. All that beautiful weather I guess. I've agreed to let her take a break from math and she's agreed that we can do a couple of short weeks through out the summer, with math lessons. Little does she realize that she had a real life math lesson this afternoon when she helped me add up the checks I received for troop registrations. She learned what the information meant on the check and how to use the 10-key to add a stack of them. If I can just get my act together and have more of those teachable moments happen we'd be a-ok.
We seem to have hit another wall with math. Violet can't concentrate on it. All that beautiful weather I guess. I've agreed to let her take a break from math and she's agreed that we can do a couple of short weeks through out the summer, with math lessons. Little does she realize that she had a real life math lesson this afternoon when she helped me add up the checks I received for troop registrations. She learned what the information meant on the check and how to use the 10-key to add a stack of them. If I can just get my act together and have more of those teachable moments happen we'd be a-ok.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Gobbling Cobbler
Violet's Blueberry Cobbler turned out oh so good. I meant to take a picture of her with it but I forgot and the next thing I knew we were wiping blueberries off our chins. That was one delicious lesson.
Today we turned in the first of the Girl Scout registration forms for next year. I should be getting a lot more in over the next two weeks, but I wanted to go ahead and get the ones I had turned in. The lady at Council who processes them all from the tri-county area seemed happy to get a start, even if it was small.
Violet spent some of her J-Bucks (the equivalent of gift certificates she earns by selling fall products and cookies) on a stuffed Groovy Girl unicorn (Girl Scouts and Groovy Girls are doing some cross licensing of names and products) and Junior Girl Scout socks. We're having her spend some of her earnings on her dues, camp fees, uniform parts, but she gets to have some for fun purchases too.
I got the last of the big project done today! Woo hoo! There are just a few small things to finish up before my vacation next week.
So since I have extra free time I'm going to go enjoy it. There's a Sudoku with my name on it in the newspaper. Good night Blogland!
Today we turned in the first of the Girl Scout registration forms for next year. I should be getting a lot more in over the next two weeks, but I wanted to go ahead and get the ones I had turned in. The lady at Council who processes them all from the tri-county area seemed happy to get a start, even if it was small.
Violet spent some of her J-Bucks (the equivalent of gift certificates she earns by selling fall products and cookies) on a stuffed Groovy Girl unicorn (Girl Scouts and Groovy Girls are doing some cross licensing of names and products) and Junior Girl Scout socks. We're having her spend some of her earnings on her dues, camp fees, uniform parts, but she gets to have some for fun purchases too.
I got the last of the big project done today! Woo hoo! There are just a few small things to finish up before my vacation next week.
So since I have extra free time I'm going to go enjoy it. There's a Sudoku with my name on it in the newspaper. Good night Blogland!
Monday, May 19, 2008
The garden is (mostly) in
Violet and I finished the garden yesterday. We got the beds cleared out and she planted tons of seeds. If everything sprouts we've overplanted. But since most of the seeds are a few years old, I doubt that will be a problem. She put in beans, peas, corn, carrots, brussel sprouts, dill, peppers, lettuce, watermelon, spaghetti squash, gourds and onions. There's no way it is all going to actually grow.
We still need to go out and buy tomato plants and pepper plants. At the very least we should have those. And she has a bunch of flower seeds she'd like to plant. So we need to clear out a bed or find some containers for that. I didn't feel up to that today.
We hit the books today and she did some math, a little history and started the Alaska study. We made pretty good progress, I'm pleased. We've decided to do Alaska and Hawaii then possibly hang up geography for the summer. And do just another chapter or two in history. But she wants to do more artists and art projects. Today we chose Matisse as the next artist, and I put a few books on interlibrary loan.
After dinner I ran out to our little in town grocery to buy blueberries for the Alaskan blueberry cobbler we're going to make tomorrow (the recipe was in one of our Alaska books). And vanilla ice cream to have with it. While I was there I bought stamps because I still have no 42c ones and I'm running out of ways to make 42c with what I have. I got to the car and found out they were Forever Stamps. So I feel like I can't use them and have to hoard them until the next price change, and that I'm not better off than I was before. I know it is all in my head.
I hate going to our town's post office. It was built when our town was a fraction of the size it is today (our town has grown from 3,000 to 20,000 in the 10 years we've lived here). There's no parking. You usually have to park two blocks away on the street and walk - really fun in the winter when the sidewalks aren't shoveled. There is always a line out the door at the window and the workers there are mean. No ifs, ands or buts about it they are mean as can be. It isn't surprising, after people have stood in line 20 or more minutes they are testy when they get up to the window. After being yelled at by customers all day every day there's no surprise they are mean. Needless to say, I avoid the place like the plague. I save packages to ship until I can stop by the post office in another town. So, first chance I get I'll stop by a different post office and buy a roll of 42 centers and save my Forever stamps.
Tomorrow we have a few errands to run, but mostly we'll be in. We'll keep puttering away at school and chores around the house. But tomorrow night we'll get to have blueberry cobbler for dessert and call it school.
I love homeschool!
We still need to go out and buy tomato plants and pepper plants. At the very least we should have those. And she has a bunch of flower seeds she'd like to plant. So we need to clear out a bed or find some containers for that. I didn't feel up to that today.
We hit the books today and she did some math, a little history and started the Alaska study. We made pretty good progress, I'm pleased. We've decided to do Alaska and Hawaii then possibly hang up geography for the summer. And do just another chapter or two in history. But she wants to do more artists and art projects. Today we chose Matisse as the next artist, and I put a few books on interlibrary loan.
After dinner I ran out to our little in town grocery to buy blueberries for the Alaskan blueberry cobbler we're going to make tomorrow (the recipe was in one of our Alaska books). And vanilla ice cream to have with it. While I was there I bought stamps because I still have no 42c ones and I'm running out of ways to make 42c with what I have. I got to the car and found out they were Forever Stamps. So I feel like I can't use them and have to hoard them until the next price change, and that I'm not better off than I was before. I know it is all in my head.
I hate going to our town's post office. It was built when our town was a fraction of the size it is today (our town has grown from 3,000 to 20,000 in the 10 years we've lived here). There's no parking. You usually have to park two blocks away on the street and walk - really fun in the winter when the sidewalks aren't shoveled. There is always a line out the door at the window and the workers there are mean. No ifs, ands or buts about it they are mean as can be. It isn't surprising, after people have stood in line 20 or more minutes they are testy when they get up to the window. After being yelled at by customers all day every day there's no surprise they are mean. Needless to say, I avoid the place like the plague. I save packages to ship until I can stop by the post office in another town. So, first chance I get I'll stop by a different post office and buy a roll of 42 centers and save my Forever stamps.
Tomorrow we have a few errands to run, but mostly we'll be in. We'll keep puttering away at school and chores around the house. But tomorrow night we'll get to have blueberry cobbler for dessert and call it school.
I love homeschool!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Stiff and sore
It doesn't work well to be in your 40s, spend weeks at your computer barely moving, then go and spend an afternoon working in the garden. The next morning you hurt all over.
Today's agenda: go to the grocery store, figure out where we were in school and what to do next week, order birthday presents for next Saturday's party (thank goodness for prime shipping from Amazon), and drag myself back to the garden.
p.s. I really don't like gardening, but I love harvesting fresh veggies.
Today's agenda: go to the grocery store, figure out where we were in school and what to do next week, order birthday presents for next Saturday's party (thank goodness for prime shipping from Amazon), and drag myself back to the garden.
p.s. I really don't like gardening, but I love harvesting fresh veggies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)