After Violet went to bed I learned a bit more about what happened yesterday at the park. For once Mr. Incredible really got her talking!
The kids had been playing a version of "Red Light, Green Light" but they were playing by different rules than she knew. She wanted them all to start on the same line and go in the same direction, then go back to the line when they were "out". In their version they were starting anywhere they wanted. To her that must have been chaos. Rather than say she didn't want to play, or say "hey, I know another way to play" she broke down.
Turns out she's also sad that she and Schoolgirl have grown apart. They were good friends when they were younger, but it sounds like Violet doesn't really want to be friends with her anymore, not that they really have the opportunity. So she's dealing with crowds she can't speak up in and the loss of her first best friend.
I feel like I've inadequately prepared her for all this. After all, neither Mr. Incredible nor I are very good in social situations. We are both introverts who'd rather stay home. Some role model. I bottle things in for years then blow up and sever ties all at once.
She'd probably be going through all this if she went to public or private school too. I just wouldn't see it all. I'd just get the letter sent home "Mrs. Incredible, Violet broke into tears again today" or maybe a meeting with the school psychologist. Instead I worry about social workers being called. I'm sure that's irrational, but I'm not dealing with a completely rational person in Teachermom ("do you miss your mom?" I mean really!) I'm afraid if any authorities start looking at me too closely they'll decide I'm unfit to homeschool. Just my own insecurities. But we all have them.
I just want Violet to pretend to be normal in public. She can use and show all her superpowers here at home. Or use them in places where they don't know her secret identity.
2 comments:
If she were in public school, it would probably be a new drama every day. I worked in a p.s. for 3 years, and I saw just how "socialization" works.
Don't get me started on that subject.
I think Violet is just a sensitive little girl who likes calm and order in her world. Nothing at all wrong with that.
She just needs to learn coping skills for when she's out in the big messy world dealing with people who don't always play by the rules.
Sounds like Mr. Incredible is on that.
One of the things I love most about homeschooling is that my boys have had the freedom to just be who they are without pressure to conform. They are becoming young men who are secure in their own identity and not dependent on the opinions of others for their self-image.
((Hang in there!))
Hi, this is my first visit to your blog. Your concerns definitely are shared by many, especially those who have children that do not the social skills/personality to blend in or exceed expectations of "normal".
My, soon to be 18 ,nephew lives with us and has for years, does not fit into any social scene with ease. He is a great guy, just less mature than others his age, is sweeter than most and processes slower than the majority. He is highly sensitive. He is also tall and gangly which does not help him blend well.
We keep working with him to find some coping mechanisms and we see progress each year. I just wish for his sake it wasn't taking so long. I'm glad God knows what He is doing. He created this guy for a specific purpose and who and how he is is crucial to that outcome.
It just isn't easy to see them stumble when there is already enough to have to overcome in our world. As he gets older, we do realize that he is catching up and one day he will have the skills and abilities to make it on his own. There is always hope!!!
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