Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I want to move

I want to go to a new neighborhood, a new town, a new state and just start over. Make new first impressions. Try again to make local friends.

There's a family on the block behind us. We used to be good friends with them. The mom is the president of the teacher's union. Ever since we decided to homeschool I've gotten nothing but loosely veiled criticism and dirty looks. Schoolgirl and Violet tried to stay friends. But it is hard when one set of parents so strongly disapproves of the other set. And when the freak parents dislike everything the other set of parents stands for.

This summer Violet went to Schoolgirl's house for lunch and to play. Teachermom had the carpet cleaning service in the same day to clean the carpets. I don't know if you've ever heard their truck or not, but you have to shout to be heard over it. Violet dislikes loud noises. It is one of the things she's highly sensitive about. Schoolgirl kept asking her over and over what she wanted to do, but never suggested anything. Violet's been taught not to ask to play with other people's stuff until it has been offered. A little while later they served lunch, macaroni and cheese. Violet doesn't care for it. She burst into tears.

What did Teachermom do? Was she sensitive to the issue? Did she use all her early childhood education training to smooth the situation over? No she asked Violet if she missed her mom. What kind of person immediately assumes an 8 year old misses her mom? Would she have asked any kid in her school that? As the first question? You know she wouldn't have.

I went and picked her up. Haven't seen or heard a thing from them until today.

The girl across the street, Red, came and got Violet to go to the park with her. It is at the end of our block. They went down (where Red's mom was waiting with little sister "Little Red"). Who was there but Schoolgirl, her little brother and dad. Schoolgirl starts playing with Violet and Red. Violet gets upset and starts crying. She hadn't played with Red in a long time and was looking forward to it.

I show up and Schoolgirl runs over to me to report that Violet just started crying. I don't need that sort of tattling, so I said let me just talk to Violet first. Violet never says anything, but Red's mom said that she knew all the girls knew each other and didn't know what had happened.

I just don't know what to do. I walked Violet home. I'm sure Teachermom will hear all about the unsocialized homeschool girl who can't even go to the park without crying. I worry so much that she's going to decide it is her "duty" to see to it that Violet is properly raised and call the authorities to check us out. Who are they going to believe up front? President of the Teacher's Union with a Master's degree in education or a couple of freak parents.

I had a talk with Violet. Told her that a lot of people would like to believe that homeschoolers can't get along in public or with other people. I said that's obviously not true. She'd spent the afternoon at Tinkerbell's house playing with her and her brother and sister. But people who don't like homeschooling aren't going to believe that. She's got to pretend. She's got to keep on playing and not burst into tears at the park when others are around.

I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid of Teachermom and the power she wields. I don't want Violet to be so easily upset and hurt. I want her to just get along with people and not cry so easily. I want her to look well socialized even if she isn't. I want to move away from them all and start over. I don't want to tell Mr. Incredible about it. He'll turn it around to be completely Violet's fault. She is largely to blame, it is a public park after all and lots of people play there. But blaming an 8 year old won't solve the problem.

I just don't know what to do.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Let's start a commune (not sure how to spell it LOL)
I have been telling my hubby this for the last 3 years!!
Let's start scoping out places!!!
I so sympathize with you.
I don't have any good advice.
I don't know what your standards are in your state, but socialization is not part of education!!! As long as your portfolio is up to date, please don't worry!!!
Maybe you can set up some play dates at your house. I can understand why she cried, thinking she had her friend all to herself. I would too!!
My kids don't socialize alot, too many weirdo's in our homeschooling community. There are a group of boys, my son does get together with, but my poor 14year old daughter, has a hard time getting with girls her age.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I feel bad you can't talk to Mr. Incredible, it's hard when men aren't on the same page as us.
Keep your chin up and try not to worry.
And of course give some "serious" thought to starting our own commune!!
Many hugs to you :)

Bunny

Freakmom said...

Thanks Bunny! I did tell Mr. Incredible and he actually had a quiet talk with her and found out more than I did (I guess I don't give that super hero enough credit, do I?) Turns out the kids were playing Red Light, Green Light, but they were playing with different rules than she knew. She didn't want to play. He said he told her some other things to say next time something like that happens. He also reminded her that it upsets her friends when she bursts into tears like that and they don't know what do do when she does it. He told her that if she wants to be a preteen (which she so desperately does) she can't burst into tears all the time.

And Bunny, thanks for the reminder that socialization isn't one of Illinois' required courses! I hadn't thought of that, you are so right!

Daisy said...

I agree with Bunny! Sending hugs.

Moving to the commune asap! :o)

Fatcat said...

I don't think blogger will let me comment, but maybe it will. (I've tried 3 or 4 times already!)

Maybe you can practice things to say and do in a group, role play or have some more controlled group play at your house, so you can make suggestions.

I don't know what to tell you, other than your daughter reminds me of my oldest. A lot.

Anonymous said...

If crying means a lack of good social skills or socialization problems, then I should be considered most awkward.

Can crying be a problem with socializing with others, absolutely, but it does not have to be equated with poorly socialized.


Pay no mind to Teachermom. She can't see beyond the groupthink socialization of the world. Your daughter has her unique difficulties that will cause you some worries, but they may not be forever and if they are, you will all find ways of adapting and creating ways to work with and around them.

Hang in there. Maturity in and of itself will make a difference a few years from now. She still is very young. You are doing great with her. You are a good Mom! Sounds like Dad is doing good too! Gold stars all around. :)