Inspired

Last night I watched "No Reservations" on the Travel Channel. It is hosted by one of my favorite writers, Anthony Bourdain. The episode I watched was his look back at how he got from New York City chef, to writer, to television host. It reminded me of the opening chapters of his newest book (which I haven't finished yet due to my insanely busy summer).

In the episode he talked about how he is a writer, he always has been, it is just in him. That got my brain spinning. I think of myself as a writer as well. Bourdain inspired me last night to let out that writer and just write. Write, write, write.

Sure I write all the time for work. But client bulletins, power point presentations, white papers, and guest articles for industry journals just aren't fulfilling, you know? Sometimes I write so much for work, that by the end of the day, I am tired of looking at my little MacBook screen. Yet, I am inspired to start doing just that again.

I need to find some sort of fulfillment. Like I mentioned, work isn't doing it for me. I'm not unhappy with my job, but I do think of it more as a job than I did a year ago. A year ago I had a career, a profession, a position in a well-respected company. I thought that even though I was part-time I was going somewhere. Keeping my foot in the water. Keeping the dream alive.

Now I know that in order to advance any further than I am right now will take a lot more sacrifice than at 43 I am willing to give. My career goals have sailed and I didn't get on the ship. I chose another path, that of homeschool mom and "hands on, home most of the time when she needs me" mom. I took the right path. But now what?

I've been struggling with this all summer. It is part of my absence from the internet. That and the 45 hour work weeks on top of all my mom responsibilities. I didn't know what to do. I can't quit my job. It is our only income right now besides unemployment checks. Honestly, I don't think I'd want to. I've worked so hard to get where I am, even if I can't go any further. But I feel like something is missing. Or that there is an opportunity out there for me, but I just can't see it.

So I am inspired to write. I love to write. I like to write non-fiction. I always have. I'm not interested in creating fiction. The real world is too interesting and unbelievable, I see no need to make anything up. So I pledge to start writing. Maybe somehow it will lead to something bigger, something just around the corner is waiting for me.

Until I figure out what form my writing should take, you Dear Blog readers, will be stuck with my ramblings. I must practice my craft. Hone my skills. Let out my anger and frustration with the world. Try to figure out what might be out there lurking in the shadows for me. And hopefully find fulfillment in the process.