Making Decisions

The other night I realized I'm putting too much pressure on Violet to decide on her own what to do about all her extra curricular activities, what to keep and what to drop.  She hates making decisions, especially if she thinks it will hurt the feelings of others.  So I told her she has complete veto power, but that I'm deciding for her.  She was so relieved.  A couple of days later I told Mr. Incredible what I was doing.  I thought he was going to object.  Which is why I didn't tell him at first.  But he agreed as long as the decisions were what she was going to want.  Which they are.  And she can say no.

First I told her to keep art class.  She loves her art instructor and the kids in her class.  She loves art.  She is never so animated after an activity as she is after art.  She talks about what they are doing in class, what they talk about, what she said in class, what other kids say, what the instructor says.  She is absolutely bubbling over!  It is a keeper.

Also, she's keeping Volunteens at the library.  It is the same thing afterwards, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.  And she talks during it.  She doesn't talk in groups.  But with both of these activities she is opening up.  She likes the kids in Volunteens.  She doesn't know them well, but she likes them.  This one stays.

Juliettes at our house will continue, it wasn't up for debate.  We've committed to the other families to go through May at least.  And we all love that group. We've been with most of those girls for 7 years now! 

Homeschool Girls Club where the do Girl Scout activities is out.  She has never, in the year and a half with this group, been half as excited after a meeting as she is with art and the library.  Many times she's in tears or fighting them off.  I think she likes the girls, but just not in the full group setting. She's uncomfortable with the group.  They meet weekly, for an hour and a half and it is a half an hour away from our house.  That translates to 10 hours a month for a group she is lukewarm about at best.  I've been saying weekly is too much for us, but the other mom doesn't want to reduce it.  We're done with them.  Thank you very much, we'll see you around the homeschool scene.  (I still have to tell the mom.  I'm kind of dreading it.  I'll take any advice you have to offer, I don't break up well.  I'm thinking we'll just miss most of the meetings (or all) between now and Christmas and then say we won't return for next year.) 

As they say in politics, tennis is too close to call.  She's had 3 out of 7 lessons.  She likes it.  But she isn't as enthusiastic about it as art and the library.  I said she should go to the other 4 lessons, then we'll decide.  There is also a tennis/swim class at the same place on another day.  She could do that.  45 minute tennis lesson and 45 minute swim lesson.  She's a great swimmer, but she could always work on her endurance and swim strokes during the swim part.  It is only $3 more per week for that class.  I'm thinking maybe another 7 week session or two before stopping lessons.  Maybe with swimming, maybe not.  The polls don't close on that one for a while yet.

Tomorrow we are going to check out the karate class.  I think I said before that my dad is going with us, and has offered to pay for at least the first month of lessons if she wants to do it.  I'm strongly considering waiting until March or even summer for starting it, if it does look to be a good fit.  I had reservations about adding anything, especially one that will require driving distances in the winter.  But then late last week my mom learned she needs to have surgery for gallstones.  They will have out of pocket expenses for that, no matter what insurance does and doesn't cover.  So I mentioned to her to let my dad know we may postpone lessons to give our schedule a chance to settle down but I hope he won't be disappointed if she doesn't start right away.  I really want to wait to add anything new.  It just has the added benefit of not overloading them with expenses at this time either.

So there you have it.  I haven't gotten a single veto.  I can make the tough decisions so she doesn't have to "disappoint" her friends.  I'm all for kid-led activities.  But sometimes you gotta be the mom.